Did you know that the way you manages your own anger has direct effect on your child’s tempter and tantrums?
To teach your child about anger management, it all starts with YOU.
- You need to have total control of your own anger..
- You need to know the RIGHT thing to do when you’re in a difficult situation.
- You need to know how to ‘think outside the box’ when you’re angry.
I know it’s hard. It was hard for me, and other parents as well.
Take one small step at a single time, and you’ll start to see results, eventually.
Have you wondered waht you CAN do when you’re in difficult situations with your children? Those siatuations where both parties are angry, aggressive and doesn’t seem to care anything else but to let go their anger.
Here’s what you can do..
1. Try to accept and recognize the problem
For some, this might be difficult. I don’t know about you though, but I found it hard last time.
This is probably because we are afraid to receive negative feed backs from other people or we are too upset that we do not seem to realize that we are indeed angry.
Either way, it is very important to initially accept and recognize that you are struggling with anger management so that you will realize what should be done and what are the solutions to prevent the possible effects.
2. Identify the root and cause of YOUR anger
Once you have recognized and accepted that you’re angry, the next important thing you should do is to identify why you are angry.
This would help you to concentrate on specific solutions that would directly solve your problem first.
Did you know that by knowing the root and cause of your anger, it would also let you know how to stay away from things that would set off your anger.
3. Letting IT go
Many parents tend to rehash previous things and events that caused them pain and anger. For example, their child’s behavior. You must learn how to let things go, otherwise you’ll start accumulating bad memories and experiences about your children.
This is very dangerous since the pain and suffering from the past could easily set off anger even from the simplest things. Make sure you let go, forgive, and then forget the things your children did last time that would have hurt you before.
4. Diversion
Your anger can cause you and others around you harm, read : your children. It is all right to express anger but be careful with this. Once the expression goes beyond your control, anger becomes bad.
What you should do is to divert all your anger into more productive activities.
Just always keep in mind that an angry person tends to become stronger as he normally is. Doing something harmless and acceptable is the best way to apply that strength.
5. Communicate well with your family
Whenever you’re angry, the is a very high tendency is for you to lose control of yourself. Once this happens, you might not be aware of every word or every action that come out from you.
What can you do then?
Try to exercise on how to communicate well. Remember to always keep yourself in control of your situation. Good communication within the family will lead to understanding what is really happening. Communicating well would also
make you listen to others as well as thinking well, and declaring yourself well on different scenarios where others lose it.
6. Just take it easy
This does not mean that you laugh off your anger, just take it nice and easy. Breathe and try to relax your whole body. If I’m to put this in other words, you are the only person responsible if you will get angry or not.
So, take it nice and easy.
It is much easier to think about the consequences from the possible actions you want to do while succumbing to your anger, than thinking of what you have done wrong after you have calmed down.
Relax, and take it easy.
That’s all YOU should do when you’re angry with your child. I can’t say I practice them all the time, but I always try my best to practice them, in which I hope you will too.
If you find this is very useful to you, I would really appreciate if you could drop me some comments below.
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{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
What an excellent, informative, insightful post that all parents can benefit from your wise words.
Manchild
Hi Jamie,
Thank you so much for your always excellent advice. It is really not so much for me, but for my son and I will forward it to him, as he has many , many problems with my grandson. We can only learn from your advice. Unfortunately, my 13 year old grandson…is almost too far gone….he has been diagnosed with so many things over the years, he is 13 now, and has been given so much medication…he still takes 11 pills a day…has done so for 8 years…and we just have NOT gotten the help we really need. I fear that one day this has all gone too far…and they will put him away. He really is a smart boy in many ways…but has gone through a lot of disturbing times….and we think possibly wrongly diagnosed.
Anyway…we keep on trying….I saw a few good places where we would like to send him too…unfortunately most of them are in the States…and my son does NOT want to seperate from him…although he can NOT look after him on a daily basis…and my grandson’s mother has more or less abandoned him. He gets kicked out of all the special facilities he ever has been in and it is a constant struggle from day to day. Unfortunately we live 2 hours away …and work as well…and can NOT help a lot . But do have him occasionally and most of the time did o.k. with him. But now….he is really bad…at home we can deal with it…but we really can’t take him anywhere…his language ….vulgar and just out there…a lot of racial slures ect. don’t know where it is all coming from. Of course in the past he has seen and heard a lot of things, no child should ever see and hear.
But anyway…thanks for always being there ….it helps us in many ways……Ursula
Thanks Jamie for your support.am trying to control my anger and that of my children and your tips have been very useful.thanks goodday
Excellent advice and encouraging my anger to slow dowm. Its all true what you say, i.e I feel more strong when I am angry with my children because its a situation where I do not regognise myself. Its afterwards that I realised that what I have done its not good but I feel frustrated and do not know what do in anger.
You are very right. If we control our anger than we can control the anger of the family members. Thanks a lot for giving suggestions to control anger.
your information about anger management today really inspired me. it makes me cool down when my daughter had done something that i dont like and i manage to control my anger and build better way to communicate with her. thanks a lot for a good tips
Dear Jamie,
I have grown totally accepting of your tips simply because it does work, yes with anger management, i think our children learn what they live with, so if i control myself & set an example , they will definitely follow suit. Thanks for your great help !
Thank you so much i have read all your tips on anger to child anger issues and parents. It is true kids do copy us the more i shout at my kids the more they shout and get angry back so i will be taking this in to account on the next angry outburst from my 12yr old, there is a answer to it all and i will get to the bottom of it in a calm and rewarding way, thank you for all your advice.
Your write-up on anger management is a master piece. Please, put me on your list and send materials on parenting and kids to me. I am a counselor and psychologist based in Nigeria. Keep up the good work. Bravo!