Tantrums are the most common behavioral problem in early childhood. Typically, they arise out of a child’s desire to express independence and self-determination and her frustration with not being able to do or have what she wants. A tantrum can be a great opportunity for a child to learn how to manage strong emotions, but they can also be a real pain for parents to handle. A tantrum is even harder to handle during dinner, whether or not you are out to eat.
STEP 1 – Stay calm during the tantrum. If you get overly frustrated, it will only serve to exacerbate the situation. You want to teach your child how to handle his emotions and losing control of yours is a poor way to do that.
STEP 2 – Sit near the child and try to get her to calm down by talking in normal tones and validating her feelings. Saying things like, “I understand that you are upset,” can help bring the child back to a reasonable mindset. It’s also good to remind your child that you are there for her and will wait until she is calm to talk about her feelings.
STEP 3 – Get your child to take a deep breath with you. Remember, your child is still learning about strong emotions and how to handle them. It’s your job to give her tools for how to self-soothe during a crisis.
STEP 4 – Take your child away from the table if he is unable to calm down quickly. Tell him that he has the right to be upset, but that you have the right to a nice family dinner. Let him know that he can return to the table when he is calm again.
STEP 5 – Talk to your child about his feelings when he calms down enough to carry on a conversation, no matter how basic it is. Listen openly to whatever it is he wants to say about his emotions, and help him give names to his feelings like “frustration,” “anger” and “hurt.”
STEP 6 – Explain why your child cannot have what she wants at the moment. If you can get your child to understand your reasons, she may not feel so out of control.
STEP 7 – Resolve the situation by coming up with a mutually beneficial arrangement. For example, if your child doesn’t want to eat his vegetables, agree on him eating half of the vegetables only.
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