How to Speak Kindly to Your Children

Children respond well to kindness. While what you say and the tone of your voice indicates how you are feeling, your child interprets your words and tone as direct messages about his own self-worth. If you speak kindly, not only will kids respond more quickly, kind words will help build self-confidence. Here are eight ways to keep communication positive.

STEP 1 – Choose Gentle Words

There’s an old saying: “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” And that applies to parenting as well. Children are sensitive little creatures who want to please their parents. Simple gentle words such as “please” and “thank you” make family life pleasant and get your message across. Harsh words make everyone shudder.

STEP 2 – Watch Your Tone of Voice

There’s no need sounding like an old shrew to get children’s attention. One study found that adults and children respond to positive messages said in a pleasant voice more quickly than to shouting.

If you snap, children get the message, but it’s usually the wrong one and they’ll try to avoid you. If you want your kids to listen to your instructions, ask them three times in a friendly tone of voice. Watch how this approach brings lasting results.

STEP 3 – Stop Shouting

Yelling at children or to your spouse creates tension in the air and bad vibes in the house. Your home will be a safe haven when you speak respectfully.

STEP 4 – Transform Criticism Into Compliments

If you criticize children, they feel like failures. When you inspire through encouragement and compliments, they don’t give up as easily and become successful. Use uplifting phrases such as “Keep at it; you’re almost there,” “I’m impressed with your effort” and “You’re getting the hang of it now.”

STEP 5 – Use Love Names

Avoid name calling. Never, ever use words like “brat,” stupid,” “clumsy,” “idiot” when describing your children or their behavior. Replace name calling with terms of endearment like “Sweetie,” “My fabulous son,” “My little sidekick.”

STEP 6 – Toss Around Positive Labels

Eliminate discouraging comments like “you never do anything right,” “you’re so lazy,” “you’re slow,” “you never pay attention.” Negative labels bring negative results, which is the opposite of what you want. Positive labels bring positive results and children see themselves as winners.

STEP 7 – Catch Kids Doing Something Right

Look for the good qualities in your child and describe what you see. When you see your child being kind, trying hard, being brave, helping another child, reading a book, making their bed, tell them how impressed you are.

STEP 8 – Be Affectionate

Put your arm around your child and say, “I love you.” Love words from a parent mean everything to a child. They can never hear enough. Smile and wink and say, “hello, how’s it going?” when your child walks into the room, and they’ll hold you close to their hearts.

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