Child Anger Revealed » child talk back

How Do You Stop Your Child From Talking Back At You?

Jamie Sullivan — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 04:30:05 +0000

Here’s a question I received some time ago. I think it’s a very good idea for me to post the answer on the blog and share it with all my readers here.

Here’s the question:

How do you stop your child from talking back at you?

I’m getting increasingly frustrated at my 4.5-year old boy talking back with words like “Shut up”, “I’m getting tired of this”, “I’ll hit you back”, etc. He does not obey time-outs (would not remain in the corner).

Threats of spanking always result in “I’ll hit you back”. The only threat that sort of works is “I’ll call the police”. Overall, he is a good child and doesn’t do malicious things on purpose, but the bad language and general disrespect he shows me are unnerving.

I prefer not to use any sort of corporeal punishment. He spends a lot of time (every weekday) at daycare, and its possible some of the bad words are coming from there.
What do parents use nowadays to earn respect of their young children?

Here’s the answer :

You need to gently explain that we don’t say these types of thing in our house, that isn’t the way that we talk with one another. Because it isn’t a nice way to speak with one another.

Remind him that you don’t say these things to him, and then let it go. Try not to make it into an even bigger deal than it is, or he will just do it more.

When I raised my daughter I never hit her when she was growing up. I taught her that if she didn’t behave I’d take some thing away from her that she liked. And that she wouldn’t get it back if she didn’t behave. So that she learned that it is better to be nice and be able to keep toys that she liked.

Do not threaten your child with calling the police. You child shouldn’t ever be made to be afraid of the police. I say this since some day your child may need the police and you don’t want him to become afraid of them. You need to teach your child that police are their friends, when they may become lost or should there ever be and accident. You wouldn’t want your child to run away from some one who could be the only one that will help him.

You need to be very patient with your child.

You also do not need to earn your child’s respect, since you are the adult in the relationship. He is the one that should be respecting you not the other way around.

He has to obey your rules. You do not obey his so that when he doesn’t follow your rules, there will be consequences for his actions. Either time outs, which are no longer than his age. Like he’s 4.5 years old, then he would be placed into time out for 4 and a half minutes and no longer, unless he doesn’t listen. Then he would have to sit there a little more time.

Or you can take away one of his favorite toys, that he wants to have around him. Once you take it away, tell him that if he is a good boy and listens to you then he will be able to have it back again once he does what you say.

Once you take the toy away do not break weak and return it to him if he crys, or you will only be showing him how to disrespect you and how to get his own way.

You have to be strong. Put the toy in a closet where he can not reach it. Stay strong and don’t let your child manipulate you, the best to you and your child.

For more Q&A and information how to deal with a child talking back, go here.

How to Respond If Your Child Talk Back Or Say No

Jamie Sullivan — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 20:50:52 +0000

Parents have to take time to understand why children act as they do. Most kids learn behavior from imitating their parents or whom ever they are in contact with the most. So watch your tone and your language.

STEP 1 – Problem Talking Back and Saying “No“. Reason: because children want to be in control. They’re learning independence!

STEP 2 – Avoid yes or no question in stressful situations. When possible offer choices so your child can make decisions.

STEP 3 – Talk about being respectful to each other and other people as well.

Dealing With Talking Back

Jamie Sullivan — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 01:33:08 +0000

If you ask any parents out there whether they’re experiencing back talk from their children at home, most of them will tell you yes. And the situation could not be much more worse.

Talking back can be among one of every parents’ worse nightmares.

Imagine asking your child to clean up their room and they go;

“Noooo, why should I? I ain’t cleaning up my room. Mummy should do it!”

Sounds familiar?

I know it’s hard, or almost impossible to keep your cool and still have a clear mind when your child talks back at you or being disrespectful with their words.

But, did you know that the angrier you get, the more likely your child will talk back? Take a moment or two and slowly think back when was the last time your child talked back at you, and what was your reaction.

It takes a lot of patience and practice to teach your child to show RESPECT and cut down on the talking back.

You have to be stay calm and be consistent with all your actions and words.

Why?

You cannot be lecturing your child for quarreling with their sibling, and the next thing your child sees is you yourself is quarreling with your spouse. Keep all these situations away from your child, especially those that you don’t want them to pick up.

Otherwise, your child will start questioning and doubting you because your words and actions just don’t click!

Here are 5 simple tips you can use today to deal with your child talking back at you.

Never Overreact In All Situations

Whenever your child is being disrespectful or talks back at you, stay calm! Don’t shout and never show your angry face to your child.

I know it’s easier said than done. But hey! give it a try next time.

You know why?

When your child realized that you’re angry, the more likely they’ll escalate the situation and make it even worse. You, and your child might want to consider a short time out for yourselves if you find things are getting out of your control.

And when you feel calmer, then you can start to address the situation to your child again.

There’s no benefit at all to lecture your child when the situation is not calm and under your control.

He just won’t listen!

Be A Good Role Model

I’ve always said this again and again, and now I’m going repeat it again.

Children learn from their parents. Both good and bad habits. When they’re young, they don’t know how to differentiate between what is good, and bad.

To them, anything their parent does, is good. And they’ll just follow! Don’t be surprised by that.

So, don’t shout back at your spouse or be disrespectful to your parents when your child is around. That’s not a good habit to show to your child.

That’s just one of the many examples around. I’m sure you can relate it to your own experiences.

Relate The Consequences

When your child starts to talk back, tell him the consequences if he continues on. Keep in mind that you don’t want to sound as though you’re threatening them. Don’t go overboard by saying you’re going to spank them hard, or ground them for the next 1 week.

The consequences could be such as limiting their time on their favourite TV show, or not letting them play with their friends in the evening.

Usually, you’ll see the best results when the consequences are something which are related to what your children like to do. Then, your child will feel what it’s really like if they don’t obey to mummy.

Just keep in mind that if you stay coll and calm, show good examples to your child, and have clear consequences set up, you should be able to cut down on the talking back at home.

It would be nice for me to hear from you if you find you’ve gained something useful reading this. Just drop me a comment by clicking on the button on the top right hand corner.

Jamie Sullivan.

P.S – If you want to learn more about how to deal with your child talking back, you can further read it on No More Talking Back.