We all want our children to have good behaviors.
Good values.
Respect for the parents.
But how far are we from achieving this?
What would you to do improve your child’s behavior?
Read on…
Make Your Expectations Known
Did you know children behave better when they know what your expectations are?
If a child runs around the grocery store and you say,
“That’s it, no candy.”
That’s when usually a tantrum starts. This is because the child is frustrated. He is probably thinking something like,
“I didn’t know I could get candy! What was I supposed to do?”
Instead, what you can do is to tell the child BEFORE you arrive somewhere what EXACTLY the behavior you expect of them.
Remember, children don’t know it all. It’s up to us to teach them what “Now, behave!” means.
“When we go in the store, I want you to stay close to my cart. Walk, don’t run. And you need to keep a quiet voice. Leave things on the shelves.”
Make yourself clear.
Reward Your Child
Rewarding is somewhat different from bribing.
A reward is something that you’d like to give your child anyway. It is small, and reasonable. In the above example, after you set your expectations for behavior in the grocery store, let your child know that you have a cookie for them in the car if they behave and do those things.
Bribing your child that he can stay up an hour late (when you know that will just make him overtired and is therefore not good for him) is not a reasonable reward because it creates a new problem. If they are overtired they are less likely to be able to behave the next day because they will be cranky.
Keep The Child Busy
Depending on the child’s age, he might not be able to sit quietly for 30 minutes in a shopping cart, or at dinner.
Have realistic expectations for their behavior and keep them occupied. Give him a toy to play with, or a game, or something to color. Or play a game with him like “I Spy” which requires no materials. Just make sure it is a toy or game your child enjoys, and he will WANT to behave.
If your child has something to do that he likes, he’ll be less tempted to “make his own fun” at the expense of behaving badly and breaking your rules.
Give Them Warnings If They Break The Rule
If you child crosses the line with his behavior one time, tell him,
“This is your reminder (or warning). If you do that again, you won’t get your reward.”
I find this works well because it shows the child that you remember exactly what you asked of him in terms of behavior, so you are serious.
It also lets the child know that you are understanding that we all make mistakes and that you care and WANT him to succeed, so you’re willing to give him a chance to learn and improve his behavior.
Follow Through.
After the one warning, if the child continues to behave badly, you need to let him know that since he decided to break the rules, he will not get his reward. Say this calmly. You don’t need to say it angrily or loudly because he’s already going to be disappointed, which is the point. If you yell or get angry, it escalates the situation because the child feels like things are getting out of control.
This might lead to a tantrum.
This is when the deep breaths and patience need to be employed.
So what do you do next?
Stay tuned for Part II tomorrow.
P.S – But if you can’t wait, you can find out more about this system a family therapist use with his clients (parents who had a hard time with their child’s behavior).
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